Thursday, September 29, 2011

Baby Update and Anxiety

The good is doing just perfect.

The bad news...John knows the gender and I don't.

This sounded like a good idea before this morning. But once he was dancing around the lobby holding the news in his hand my resolved started to crumble. Then he threw our baby's picture in the trash because it was evidence. I made him retrieve it.

So...what am I going to do? I haven't really decided yet.

The thing is this...I really want a girl. Part of me is really worried if its a boy I'll be disappointed. So maybe I'll find out now so I get used to the sex of the baby before I'm all exhausted and laid up in a hospital recovering. And I could better focus my knitting efforts.

Plus, I haven't felt very connected to the baby. Now that the morning sickness has passed (Hallelujah!!!) I'm started to like this pregnancy thing a little better. But I can't feel the baby move yet, so its hard for this to feel real. Maybe knowing the little one's sex would help me along.

Do I sound like I'm trying to convince myself?

Anyways, here's updated pictures. Its a little freaky to think its head is already 4cm across.


  1. Ooh, I love the new pics!

    I don't know that you need the sex to feel connected...but the kicking does help. Don't worry--it will come. The first time I felt it, it was like butterflies in my stomach. Soon it was keeping me awake! You'll feel it, I promise. Tell John not to hold it over you in too crazy a fashion. You're pregnant--you don't need extra needling from outside! (All that said, yeah, I found out the sexes. As soon as I could!)

  2. Hi Jessica,

    I'm so glad someone else is fretting over connecting with her baby while still pregnant. I was really worried about that, too, and I worried for nothing. Still, the bond takes time. This is something I didn't understand when my sister told me about it. Just think, how do you connect with someone you've never met? Then your baby arrives and you instantly fall in love, but a strong connection? Once your baby gets past the three-month mark, the personality starts to emerge from that noisy, limp sack of bones and goo. Don't be hard on yourself. :)

    As for the sex, I couldn't stand not knowing until the 20th week. I had a very strong feeling one day around your wedding, actually, that it was a girl. And I thought, "What if that feeling is wrong? Does that mean I'm a horrible mother?" I knew that was ridiculous even as I thought it.

    Just take one day at a time and go with the flow of emotion and preparation. It's extremely overwhelming so make sure you go at your pace. :)