Wednesday, May 25, 2011

So you're married? When are you having a baby?

As John and I come to our 1 year anniversary, there is a question popping up with increased frequency...

When are you having a baby?

That's a very personal decision. One left between John and myself.

But, as I've been chatting with my girlfriends, I discovered some alarming issues we all seem to share when it comes to family planning. 

All of my friends are in the same spot as me. We've all married men who have careers in creative fields and work freelance. Meanwhile all of us ladies are working steady jobs with benefits. 

What does this have to do with having babies? A lot. 

Our husbands are business owners, artists, and working in careers. They are actually using their degrees in their fields of work. 

The ladies are all working jobs. None of us are using our specific degrees or working in a field we feel passionate about. 

Our husbands bring in more money, by a lot. But, and this is a big but, its all freelance. So there is no guarantee the work/money will be consistent. 

The ladies all make substantial less money on average, but its a consistent paycheck. 

None of the men's jobs offer insurance. 

All of the ladies jobs offer insurance. 

So when it comes to having babies, what do we do? 

Do we keep working? Full time? Part time?

None of us want to totally stop working. I like working. I like my job. I like my coworkers. 

But, childcare is so expensive it would eat up almost my entire paycheck. 

But if I quit and stay home John will be solely responsible for supporting our family, and bringing in enough income to pay for our health insurance too. 

Is that fair?

If John's not working steady, he can stay home with our children, but my paycheck is not big enough to support the family. Also I know I'd be jealous. I already get a little jealous sometimes because I must go to work 5 days a week, 50 weeks of the year. John only works about half the year and spend the rest of the time surfing the Internet, playing with Dottie, brewing beer, napping, etc. 

There's also the travelling element of the husband's jobs. 

John travels a lot when he's working. So will he be jealous that I'm home with the kids, while he's missing all their ballet recitals and soccer games? And will I survive having to be the sole parent a lot? And how will I work full time for insurance benefits and be a 24/7 single parent?

But besides all the financials, there is also the issue of passion. One thing all the ladies have in common is sacrifice. In some ways, we all have put some of our own passions aside so our husbands can work towards their dreams. We're sold our souls for money and insurance. When is it our turn to follow our passions? Something tells me kids are not the answer, so I'd better get off my ass and work towards my dream now, while I still have free time (even is its not much after my full time work week).

So ladies what should we do? And when will/can we have babies? And will socialized health care ever come through, so the ladies don't have to work full time just for insurance? 


  1. There's no perfect time to have children because life just happens despite all your planning. If you ever decide to have children, you'll make the best of it and you'll have plenty of support from your family and friends. Don't worry so much dear. In fact, I'd say you were lucky except that you aren't lucky, you earned what you have and you should be proud.

  2. So true about there being no perfect time...I don't work full-time like you do, but my 30-hour/week job pays the insurance too. Dan's STILL working on that PhD (and even so he makes more $$$$ than I do).

    EVEN SO, I'm glad we had the kids and got it done. We've struck a good balance, and you and John will too. It took a few years, but we're in a good groove.

    I'm not trying to rush you guys into having kids--you should definitely wait until after we come to Disneyland, because if you're pregnant or have a baby at home you won't want to come with us...and that just won't do! :^) (And the traveling dad thing would be hard for me...Dan goes for a week and I freak out! Can't imagine dealing w/ John's schedule.)

    On the other hand, cousins are nice....:^)

    Either way, don't worry. You can STILL have your dreams (even ridiculous ones that center on something like, oh, say, running) and be a good mom. In fact, doing the one makes the other easier.

  3. Sorry Terzah, but we can't plan our family planning around possible future vacations :)

    I know there is no good time to have children, but I'm happy that John and I have been good communicators so far and I think that will go a long way towards sorting out any issues that come along.

    I'm also really glad I have a whole family full of amazing women who make working and parenting work together, even though its not always easy.